


Deadly Twister 3: Three Shades Twistier

by Dumb_Scotticus



Category: Cancer Crew
Genre: Ableist Language, Everyone Is Gay, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, Joji is lowkey gay, M/M, Pining, Porn What Porn, Racist Language, Slurs, Swearing, They're all in Australia for vague reasons to further the plot, Twister - Freeform, canon-typical bigotry, its the cancer crew what do you expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 02:19:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12546624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dumb_Scotticus/pseuds/Dumb_Scotticus
Summary: Our favorite boys are getting ready to film Deadly Twister 3! Max gets the idea to Livestream it.Will the game that ties you in knots untie friendships? Probably not!(Or: Ian regrets his life decisions while stranded in Australia with a gay japanese guy, a fat fuck with a man bun, and his youtuber crush, and three of them are in dresses.)





	1. Mario Kart Induced Violence

“Fuck off, cunt.” Max growls through gritted teeth when Ian hits him with a fake question mark block. He sticks out his elbow to poke it into Ian’s ribs. In return, Ian crashes his shoulder into Max’s. Max shoves Ian’s face, making his glasses crooked. Ian kicks him in the shin. Max yells. (“You Mother _fucker_!”) Ian dodges Max’s red shell completely by luck, and finishes in first, laughing as Max gets hit into the water by another kart. Max makes a very angry sounding noise and throws down the Gamecube controller without even bothering to finish the race. Ian is laughing at the face of anger Max is pulling until he’s tackled. Joji walks into the room to see legs sticking out from behind a couch, seemingly writhing on each other. He bursts out laughing uncontrollably. He realizes at once, of course, that they’re just play fighting, but from this angle it _really_ looks like something else. Max throws a couch cushion at Joji’s head, misses, and hits Chad in the face as he rushes to see what Joji was laughing so hard at. Ian is laughing too, but his eyes shift uncomfortably when Max’s body heaves on top of him from the intense shouting that he’s doing. Joji makes eye contact with Ian, who looks away and pushes Max into a coffee table before scampering out of the room, making claims that he needs to find his phone and he thinks he left it in the bathroom. Max and Chad are both being too loud to care, so if Joji hears a notification go off from Ian’s pocket, he doesn’t say anything.

* * *

 

A few hours later, they’re sitting around sipping beers and talking about nothing while an occasional video idea will bounce off one of them. If they’re all already in Australia they might as well take advantage of it. They’re already brainstorming for Deadly Twister Three, because why the fuck not, and having a little too much fun coming up with the mystery hat games.

“What about wrasslin’?” Max suggests. “Like that meme Ian did at the kebab shop.”

“Well,” Joji says, putting on his Frank voice, “Everyone loves a good wrassle.”

Chad agrees too, and Ian thinks it’ll be good for the video. A few moments later, Ian realizes that it definitely will be good for the _video,_ but maybe not for _him._ He thinks about this way, way too much while everyone else is tossing ideas around.

“Hey, Ian,” Joji says, pushing his shoulder. “You wanna contribute a little?” He smiles at Ian in a way that says _please try to be cool, we can talk about it later,_ and Ian snaps himself back into being normal. Or at least whatever passed for ‘normal’ between the four of them.

After a half hour of tossing ideas around, Max, chugs three cans of beer in a row on a dare, then vomits into a glass. He doubles over, banging his head on the table by mistake. He curses and shouts and whines in pain, and Chad declares Max is going to bed, now. Max refuses to go unless everyone else does, too, so they four boys set up their sleeping arrangements to avoid a tantrum from Max. Him and Chad both take Max’s bed, and Joji and Ian take the couch and an air mattress next to it respectively.

Ian is on his phone, scrolling through Youtube comments. Joji lays on his side, and stares at Ian, saying nothing.

“Take a picture, cunt. It’ll last longer,” Ian mumbles without turning to look at him.

“Dude,” Joji says, ignoring the insult, “You’re fucked.”

Ian slaps his phone down onto the air mattress. “Do we really have to do this right now, George? Its fucking--” He glances at his phone “--Oh.”

“It’s 10pm, man. The only reason we’re in bed is because max got a stomach ache like a little bitch and us two are jetlagged. Actually, I’m pretty sure Chad’s still playing WoW.”

“Exactly,” Ian asserts, “We’re both jetlagged, you just fucking said it--”

“You need to talk about this sooner or later,” Joji says, cutting him off, and he sounds like he’s telling Ian that grass is green.

Ian sighs. He grinds his hands into his eyes and puts his glasses back on.

“Fine,” He says. “But don’t expect me to tell you about my childhood or my dreams or any of that mystic shit.”

“I mean, I wasn’t planning on it,” Joji says, cracking a smile. “Why, you got weird dreams or something? Max shows up in nothing but a--”

“ALRIGHT!” Ian interrupts, and he’s glad Joji probably can’t see his face reddening in the dark.

“I don’t even know what there is to talk about,” He says calmly. “I wanna fuck a dumb Australian Youtuber who can’t take a hint,” Ian admits.

“Well,” Joji says, “You can’t avoid it forever. He’s probably going to be a part of your life for a _while_. We probably all are. If you’re beating yourself up over having a gay crush on someone you talk to every day, you’re gonna have a shit life.”

Ian looks down. “Yeah, I fucking know that already, George,” he sneers, but there's no real venom behind it. “I just don’t want to fuck everything up.” Ian sits up and turns towards Joji. “If I tell Max I’ve jerked off thinking about him in a dress, and he doesn’t like that, it’s going to ruin _all_ of our shit,” he says gravely. “We’ll stop going to conventions, we’ll stop doing collabs, somehow Keemstar will figure out what happened, all my shit is wrecked,” He says, counting the problems on his fingers. “And that doesn’t even include how it’ll fuck up your shit and Max’s shit, too.” Ian rests his face in his hands, crushing his glasses a little. He takes them off, folds them, puts them on the floor beside his phone. “I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I fucked up your guys’ lives too all because I can't keep it in my fucking pants around him.”

Joji stretches out to put a hand on Ian’s shoulder. “It sucks. I won’t fuckin’ lie to you, dude. The possibility that everything will go to shit is… possible. It’s unlikely, but it’s there,” He says. “You need to decide if that one percent chance of ruining your life is worth the hundred percent chance that you’ll only slightly ruin your life,” He says. Ian looks up at him. “Ian, I’m not gonna tell you what to do, because I’m not you. But if I were? I’d fuckin go for it.” Joji removes his hand from Ian’s shoulder, settling back down onto the couch.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Ian sighs. “I just hope to god he doesn’t figure it out himself before I can explain.”

Joji laughs at that. “Dude. Max? There’s no fucking way he’ll figure that one out. You’re good for the time being.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like im keeping up my tendency for short first chapters.
> 
> don't expect this to update any time soon; i've got a lot of school work recently and my vinny/joel fic is taking priority over this on
> 
> check out my tumblr: maxian.co.vu or Vinnoel.tumblr.com


	2. Ian Isn't Cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! its 2 in the morning on the night of my birthday (day after?). Here's a birthday present to you all from me.

Max, Ian, Joji, Chad, and Howtobasic start to gather all the supplies they need into Max’s kitchen: Twister mat, spinner, hot sauce, hot fudge, alcohol, mouse traps, and so on. Max, Joji, and Ian are in striped blue, pink, and green dresses respectively, while Chad wears a lab coat, tie, and black slacks. The four of them are just about ready to lay out the mat, and Max has been filming shots for the behind the scenes videos for the past ten minutes. He stops for a second, though, and looks up in thought. “Hey, since this is like, the third one and all, should we do something special?” He says, putting the camera down. Howtobasic takes it.  
“Like what?” Joji asks.  
“Like, what if we streamed it?”  
“That sounds kind of cool, actually,” Chad says. “Should we use Twitch or Kamcord? I wanna be able to show my ass without getting banned for 72 hours.”  
Ian makes a face of disgust. “I still don’t get why you do that. Resorting to nudity for humor isn't funny. It’s just stupid,” he says irritably. Max starts laughing.   
“We shaved your hair into a cake tin for likes and you agreed to it. If Chad wants to spread his cheeks for a little extra YouTube money I think that’s fair,” Max points out.  
“Technically it’s Twitch and Patreon money, but thanks,” Chad says to him.  
“Yeah, fuck you,” Max replies.  
“Anything for views!” Chad says quietly in a sing-song tone of voice.  
After this exchange, Ian is still determined to dissuade everyone from Max’s idea.   
“Okay, hang on,” he starts. “Why are we even streaming it? Thats a fucking stupid idea. Streaming is for people who can’t edit videos,”-Chad frowns at this -”and we can't even do multiple takes for shit,” Ian complains, and at this point he’s just being spiteful rather than arguing a point.  
“Well what if we did a _The Making Of_ kind of thing? Stream ourselves getting all the footage and then edit it into a proper video,” Max says.  
“Howtobasic can put a bag over his head or something,” Joji suggests, sipping a can of beer.  
“Yeah!” Max’s eyes light up as he points to Joji. “See, Ian? We can do multiple takes and shit, too.”  
Ian sighs in frustration. Clearly there was no winning this argument.   
“Fine,” He says, dropping his arms to his sides.  
“Alright!” Max celebrates. He stands up to grab his laptop and steal Chad’s webcam. “Let’s get this shit started, boys!” He shouts.  
Joji shoots Ian an apologetic look, but he’s snickering just a little bit too much for it to seem genuine. Ian flips him off.

* * *

Joji has one end of the twister mat, Chad taking the other, and Max is directing them into place like a runway marshaller, moving his arms stiffly to imitate flags. Max’s webcam is set up on the kitchen counter, pointing towards the mat. Every once in a while Max turns to check donations and the chat. Chad has pulled his pants down twice already.  
Ian stands behind the counter, filling shot glasses with hot sauce and vodka. Howtobasic is next to him, cutting small eye holes into a brown paper bag with eggs crudely drawn on it in Sharpie. Ian’s ready to overthink everything he does in front of the camera because he knows nothing can get cut out, and there will always be a copy of this stream somewhere on the internet. He curses when he over-fills a shot glass. Howtobasic, armed with a paper bag and a camera, begins filming close-ups of Joji’s legs.  
“Hey, hey! The fuck are you doing?” He says as Frank. He gets a response of an egg being slapped on his shin. Chad starts laughing, and Joji throws what's left of the egg at him.  
Max takes the camera and wanders over to Ian. Apparently, he gets too close, because Ian is pushing the lens away from his face with one hand and fixing his glasses using the side of his finger with the other one.   
“Fuck off,” He says, smiling at Max. Max chuckles.  
“See, this is the kind of shit I’d be able to cut out. Stuff on camera, y’know? We’ll keep the webcam static like it is, and then the real behind the scenes will go on the channel later,” He says, zooming in and out on Ian’s face absentmindedly.   
“Yeah, I guess that works,” Mumbles Ian. He’s not in the mood to argue about this any more. Max smiles, and it’s a real, genuine smile. The one Ian hates. Well, he doesn’t hate the smile itself. He doesn’t hate Max. He could never hate Max. He doesn’t even hate the things Max does most of the time. In fact, he loves the way Max smiles. He just hates the way his own idiot self reacts to it, and he hates how elated seeing that dumbass smile makes him feel.  
Max must pick up on Ian relaxing a little, because suddenly he’s putting the camera down, wrapping an arm around Ian’s waist, and pulling out his phone. He takes a quick selfie before Ian can process what’s happening, and it definitely shows in the face he’s making in the photo.  
Max examines his photography work.   
“Are you… _Blushing_?” He laughs, so baffled that he’s smiling.   
“What? No!” Ian says defensively, and rather loudly. He hopes that didn’t get picked up by the laptop’s mic. Max looks at Ian for a moment with a puzzled expression.  
“Alright, well, I’m posting this to Twitter, you fuckin’ weirdo,” he says flippantly.  
“I got the fucking hot sauce on my face and now it's getting red,” Ian insists.  
“Yeah?” Max says skeptically.  
“I’m not _cute_ ,” Ian adds through overly gritted teeth, hoping the joke will smooth over any awkwardness. Max laughs again, so Ian takes this as a sign that his joke did, in fact, work.   
“Yeah you are, cunt,” Max says firmly, grabbing the camera from the counter and swooping over to where Joji and Chad are practically wrestling over the last uncracked egg in a carton.   
Ian doesn’t really know what just happened, so he takes a jar of hot fudge from the microwave and keeps himself busy by spooning dollops of it onto the blue circles of the Twister mat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry this ones so short! it was either this or splitting chapters in the middle of a scene.
> 
> But yeah! They're the powerpuff girls, and chad is professor utonium. 
> 
> i'm still chuggin' along on this fic, so hopefully the next chapter of this and my vinnoel fic will both be up soon! <3


	3. Chad Suggests an Orgy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a short chapter because i feel guilty about leaving you guys hanging for so long and i wanted to push something out asap :(

  
In all honesty, Ian was never dreading the film date. He was looking forward to it; Filming days were usually pretty damn fun. There was the worry that with the nature of Twister being “unwanted physical contact” and especially that fucking wrestling slip in the hat, things may not go so well, but he figured that if the spinner lands on “left hand Max’s cock” he could easily ask for a respin. This is thrown out the window when Chad makes an announcement once they’re all ready to get started.

“Right, so no pussying out this time. No re-spins and we’re all keeping our hands and feet where they’re supposed to be,” Chad says. _Well,_ Ian thinks, _I’m fucked._ Chad then points to Joji. “That means you, Bubbletits.”

“I’m not Princess Bubblegum anymore, dumbass, I’m Blossom,” Joji says, starting to use his Frank voice.

“Yeah,” Max chimes in, “ _I’m_ Bubbles, cunt.”

Ian stares at the camera held by Howtobasic for a beat. “I’m the butch lesbian one.”

The room explodes with laughter, Joji laughing so hard that the bow perched on his head falls onto the floor, mixing with the hot fudge on the blue spots of the Twister mat. Max groans when he lifts the bow out of the chocolaty mess.

“Why do we even have this shit?” He shouts.

“It’s sugar, the hot pepper is spice, and these bullshit hat questions are everything nice, you cunt! How many fucking times do we have to go over that?” Chad screams, dropping the spinner in exasperation.

“Oh yeah,” Max says, giggling.

“What’re the mouse traps then?” Ian adds.

“Fuck, I'unno. that can be everything nice, too,” Max replies. Ian isn’t sure if Max was looking at him for a little too long after his reply or if it was just wishful thinking.

“Maybe for the everything nice we can all have an orgy after and post it on PornHub,” Chad suggests.

Joji chuckles and Max is near tears laughing. “Dude,” he says, “That is so going in the fucking behind the scenes.”

“The joke or the orgy?” Joji pipes, laughing harder than before.  
Ian smiles and pushes his glasses up with the side of his finger, trying to ignore the webcam perched on the counter behind them.

* * *

They finally start filming usable footage on the mat, pausing every once in a while to film in-between shots. Chad is firmly holding to the ‘no-respins’ rule, so Max has already swallowed two shots of hot sauce and vodka each by the third round. Joji has a foot on red and a hand on yellow. At the opposite side of the mat, Ian has a foot on yellow and a foot on blue, and Max has both feet on red.

Chad flicks the spinner.

“Well, would you look at that!” he says excitedly, and motions subtly for Howtobasic to zoom on the spinner. “Left hand yellow, you butch fuck,” He calls at Ian. Ian leans over the mat, placing his hand gingerly on the yellow circle. He places his wrist into the mouse trap on the mat, and hisses when the trap springs with an audible snap. Both Max and Joji shout complaints when the trap comes down.

“You can’t use your fucking wrist!”

“Max's right, you better get your thin little fingers in that trap, boy,” Joji says, looking at Chad. “Professor, I’ll give you the honor of resetting the trap for my... my dear sister here.”

“With pleasure!” Chad responds. He stands up, walking past a kneeling Joji to where Ian is on all fours on the ground. Leaning over, he resets the trap, and Max motions Howtobasic over with the camera. As Chad walks back to his seat, he notices Joji’s pink striped dress riding up. He thinks about tugging it back down, then pours a few drops of his beer on the bottom of Joji’s boxers. Joji yelps in shock from the cold liquid, glancing behind himself and slapping at Chad’s leg from the ground, sending hot fudge flying in his direction.

“Ok, ok, quit flirting you fuckin’ homos. Just let us get the shot,” Max says impatiently.

Ian sighs and puts his thumb into the mouse trap. it springs again, and even though he's used to the feeling, it still stings, and he winces in pain.

Howtobasic moves back to get a shot of the whole mat, standing in front of the webcam by mistake.

“Oi! Cunt!” Max shouts. “Get out of the fuckin way!”

Howtobasic makes a gurgling noise, but scoots to the side.

“Check if we got any big donations,” Chad suggests.

Ian volunteers to check. “This retard can barely talk; you want him to tell us?” He reasons, gesturing towards Howtobasic, who coughs in response.

“That’s a pretty good idea, actually,” Max says. “Hey, come get some stock shots of the spinner and our faces and shit,” He waves his arm to call Howtobasic over with the camera.

Meanwhile, Ian leans over the laptop on the counter. Noticing the battery is only at 14%, he glances behind him. With a miniscule amount of guilt, he wiggles the plug in the socket so that it’s still loosely attached, but not actually charging the laptop. _If the laptop dies, then the stream dies_ , he figures. He calls out a few fifty dollar donations, then returns to his spot on the mat.

“Alrighty, I was next, right?” Says Max, face still slightly blotchy from the hot sauce.

“You got it,” replies Chad, and brings the spinner over for Max to hit. Max slaps his hand across the board as hard as he can.

“Oh. Right hand green,” He announces in mock fear. Howtobasic sweeps the camera on to Chad, who is ready with a large top-hat filled with paper slips. Max reaches in to pull one out. “Sweet Facial,” He says, trying not to laugh. The rest of the boys start laughing when Chad makes a show of striding toward the kitchen cabinets to pull out a jar of marshmallow fluff and a packet of glitter. They shoot it a few times so the shot of him coming into frame is as funny as possible.

Chad walks back over normally, and tells max to get his hand in the right spot before he does anything. Ian’s face is sober for just a moment when he realizes first where Max’s hand has to reach to, and second that he’s still being recorded. Ian grits his teeth, and this time it’s not a joke. As if dealing with his shitty fag brain when he was close to Max wasn’t enough, now he has to control himself in front of a live audience. _Great,_ he thinks bitterly as Max starts threading himself under Ian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been having hells of writers block since i finished that vinny/joel fic... so im sorry its been like ten days since an update.
> 
> i make no promises but i will TRY to get the next chapter out in less time than it took to post this one.


	4. Max Says "Fuck It"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter lads. time to messily tie this shit up.

Max stretches his arm to reach the green spot across from him, accidentally dragging his long, curly hair through the fudge on the blue space underneath, and cursing loudly when the chocolate drips onto his forehead. Howtobasic zooms the camera in on Chad mixing packets of glitter into a large blue bucket filled with marshmallow fluff.

“This is what a gay guy’s cum looks like,” Chad says absentmindedly. Ian snorts in condescension and Joji laughs briefly.

“That thick, huh? It must hurt like a bitch coming out of your cock, Chad,” pipes Joji.

“Hey, I’m not a faggot like you are, you daikon radish cunt,” Chad says, picking up the bucket and bringing it closer to the Twister mat.

Ian focuses on keeping his body as elevated as possible so he doesn't touch Max. Usually, he wouldn’t give a shit. Usually, they’d be grabbing each other’s balls as a joke and it wouldn’t mean anything. It never meant anything, after all, Ian rationalizes to himself before being jarred back into the absurd situation he was in as Max starts shouting. Chad somehow keeps a straight face as he slowly dumps the sticky mass on Max’s head, prodding it with a spatula.

“Oh Jesus Christ! This is never coming out of my fucking hair, I’m gonna-- HEY! DON’T GET THAT SHIT IN MY EAR, YOU FUCKING HALF-PRICE DADDY-DOM LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER!” Max shouts, and Ian can't stop himself from chuckling at Max’s distress, even if he gets the occasional bit of the sparkling, gooey mas flicked onto the back of his neck. Chad produces a bottle of chocolate syrup from a pocket of his lab coat, and holds it at groin-level, squirting the brown liquid on top of the fluff. The top of Max’s head is enveloped in marshmallow and syrup, and Chad drops the bucket onto it, causing a loud, hollow thunk. Max screams in exaggerated pain, and before he can do anything else, the five of them hear a loud beep from behind them.

Ian realizes what the noise is at once, and coughs to mask the alerting tone of the laptop powering off, but all that does is make the other four look at him.

Joji puts it together first. 

“You fucking didn’t,” Joji murmurs, looking at Ian incredulously, and he’s no longer Frank for the camera, he’s Ian’s concerned friend, and Joji is staring at him, and Chad is staring at him, and Howtobasic is staring at him, and Max is scraping glittery white goop out of his eyes underneath him. Ian panics, scrabbling up from his position on the twister mat, nearly slipping in hot fudge as he pries mouse traps off of himself. He starts to retreat, but hasn’t quite decided where to go yet, and the hesitation allows Max to stand up and gather what the fuck just happened while he was being accosted by sugar. Ian hears footsteps behind him, and tries to walk a little faster towards the door.

  
“Hey,” Max says in a threatening whisper. “What the fuck has gotten into you?” He asks, grabbing Ian’s arm and pulling him aside.

“Nothing, asshole, stop touching me,” Ian bites out. Max stares at him for a moment, angry and completely baffled. Seconds later, Ian is ripping his arm out of Max’s grip and heading outside.

“Where are you going?!” Demands Max. He stumbles as quickly as possible to grab at Ian again as they both cross the threshold into Max’s yard. “Why are you being such a fucking cunt!?” He shouts, and it’s phrased less as a question and more as an exclamation. Ian answers anyway.

“I’m not being a cunt,” Ian says, smiling bitterly. “If anything, _you’re_ being the cunt, cunt.” Ian tries to break away from the grip, but realizes he isn’t going to succeed without a physical fight. Max scrunches his face up at him.

“ _What?_ ” Says max flatly, and if he was confused before, he’s at a complete loss now.

“You never think about how the rest of us feel, Max!” Ian explodes, grasping at any reason he can to justify his anger. Max has let go of his arm and he’s using it to make quick, rigid gestures as he talks. “And, yeah, this is some gay let’s-talk-about-our-feelings schtick, but it's fucking important. You fucking pranced around with a camera while me, George, and fucking Chad set all the dumb shit up, and You- You set up that stupid fucking pointless livestream, you didn’t ask how any of us felt about it!” Ian rants. He’s smiling unsettlingly with wide eyes, and Max is starting to realize Ian isn’t fucking around in the slightest.  _Well,_  he thinks, _two can play at that game._

“FIRST OF ALL, CUNT, YES, I FUCKING DID ASK EVERYONE HOW THEY FELT ABOUT IT!” He screams.

 _Oh. Shit,_ Ian thinks, face paling when he realizes he can’t hide behind anger any longer. _He did ask. I’m a fucking Idiot._ He can’t wait to beat himself up over that mistake later, but Max is still shouting so it’ll have to wait.

“George and Chad were fine with it! I can’t fucking read your mind, Ian, if you don’t tell me you have a problem with something then I won’t fucking know!”

Max’s eyebrows furrow together as he yells, and it's obvious that under his blind rage is someone who really does care about his friend. Ian stops smiling completely. “You can’t not say anything and then act like a little bitch when things don’t go your way,” Max says, a little quieter, but not by much. Ian lifts a hand to adjust his glasses before realizing he left them inside. There’s an audible slap when he drops the hand back to his side, and Max runs a hand through his own fudge-caked hair, wiping what lingers on his hand afterwards on the side of his dress. “You have to tell me how you feel,” he says, and Ian hates that is sounds so gentle coming out of his mouth.

Ian already wants to kill himself right then and there, so he decides to shoot himself in the head. Metaphorically, but only mostly.

“Fine,” he says in a low tone, and Max is just slightly scared by the way his renewed crazed smile dissolves into an exhausted half-smirk. “I’m in love with you,” He says bluntly.

Max does a mental double-take.

“What?” He says, cocking his head and squinting.

“You heard me, faggot,” Says Ian, and the irony is lost on them both.

* * *

Max is too drunk and Ian is too stressed to remember that the door to Max’s backyard is glass. Chad and Joji watch these events unfold for about a minute. Joji sighs loudly, peeling the undersized dress off of him and picking up one of the few unspilled shots from the mat. He drinks it, and turns to Chad.

“I’m going to shower until I stop smelling like fudge and hot sauce puke,” he says.

Chad finds himself following before he realizes it, and justifies this to himself with needing to wash the marshmallow off of his hands. He neglects to consider the kitchen sink as an option for washing up.

* * *

“ _What?_ ” Max says again, and he’s still not really sure what the hell is going on. Ian sighs.

“I’m literally in love with you. Like… seriously. I’m being one-hundred-percent serious,” Ian says slowly, and his guilt, irrational anger, and self-loathing are taking up too much room for him to feel any embarrassment.

“...You’re fucking with me,” Max deadpans.

Ian fists his hands in his short hair in frustration. The sides of Max’s face are slightly sticky with marshmallow, so it’s a little harder than it should be to take his hands away after he grabs Max and plants a kiss on his lips.

Max doesn’t process what happened until Ian’s already pulled away. His face heats up a little, and he puts a hand on his forehead in disbelief. He looks at Ian, trying to find something to say.

“You’re really not fucking around.”

“Nope.”

Max stands confused for a moment, and before Ian can start an inner turmoil about ruining their friendship, Max pushes his sticky hair back.

“Fuck it,” he says, and throws himself at Ian.

* * *

Chad doesn’t think of himself as gay or anything, but when Joji starts pulling down his boxers while he's washing his hands, it’s hard not to glance at his ass. Joji notices almost immediately, starts to put on somewhat of a half-joking show getting into the shower, but the act is ruined when he slips on a discarded towel and crashes onto the floor. Chad laughs loudly, offering a hand to help the naked man up. Joji is chuckling as he accepts the help, and he pulls Chad closer on a whim, stopping abruptly when their faces are just a few inches apart. Chad licks his lips and closes the distance. _This is pretty fucking gay,_ he thinks, _But at least I’m not as gay as Ian._

Suddenly, the pair hears a crash from the living room, and Chad assumes the worst, pulling away and getting ready to break up a fight. Joji stops him with a hand on his shoulder, looking at him quizzically.

“They’re-” Chad says, and stops himself when he realizes that the crash and the shouts are probably not Max and Ian in a fistfight. He sighs. “If they stain that couch I’m never coming over here again,” He decides, unbuttoning his lab coat. He pulls Joji into another kiss, and if Max and Ian stain the couch, at least Chad can say he got head in Max’s shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3 <3 
> 
> also someone write more chad/joji theres 0 content for it and i like it as a side pairing to maxian.


End file.
